


It Wasn't Me

by Nuinzilien, Zhie



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 03:16:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10527696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuinzilien/pseuds/Nuinzilien, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zhie/pseuds/Zhie
Summary: An accident... a couple of accidents... a whole bunch of accidents occur, and Lindir and Glorfindel try to figure out how to blame anyone but the culprit.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A tenrec, for the uninformed, is a small, insectivorous member of the hedgehog family, only found on the island of Madagascar and surrounding territories. Written for Chaotic Binky.

Lindir looked around at the total destruction. "So...how long do you think we've got before we die?" 

Glorfindel scritched the top of the tiny little ferret's head. The ferret in question had burrowed into his tunic, only the furry noggin sticking out. She surveyed the damage she had done with ferrety glee as her head was rubbed most delightfully. Glorfindel glanced up for a moment. "This isn't so bad. You should have seen what Gondolin looked like after the destruction there, and it isn't as if... oh, right, I guess I did die after that. Huh. Now there's irony for you." He went back to doting on the baby ferret before realizing he had never answered the question, which was more or less par for the course. "We just need to find someone else to blame this on, that's all." 

Lindir's brow arched. "Uh-huh. You may not have any problems dying again, but I've not yet had that experience, and really, it's one I can put off for a while. Maybe forever, for that matter." He sighed and eyed the little furry head with a combination of dismay and reluctant amusement. "I still don't understand how THAT tiny creature could cause THIS much destruction. It looks like we were hit by an earthquake. At least a Level Yellow trembler." 

"An earthquake! That's brilliant. You're brilliant." Glorfindel leaned over and smooched Lindir's cheek. The ferret made a noise of discontent, and so, Glorfindel kissed the top of her fuzzy head, too. "We just tell Elrond that there was an earthquake, and we came to check on things, and this is what we found. Brilliant. He'll never know the truth." 

Lindir beamed at the compliment and the cheek peck, then blinked back to reality. "Whoa whoa, wait a moment, Goldie. I said it LOOKS LIKE we were hit by an earthquake. Do you honestly think he would believe there was an earthquake that was SOLELY in this room, and felt nowhere else in the house? Honestly?" 

"Maybe his ring kept it safe in all other places but here? Maybe?" Both Lindir and the ferret seemed to be giving Glorfindel incredulous looks. "Fine, then, we just need to pass the blame onto someone else. I've heard rumors that Celebrían is a sleepwalker. We could say that we found her in here, the room was a mess, and then she wandered out right back to her room. You never want to wake a sleepwalker, you know. Perfect excuse. I'm a genius," added Glorfindel, not wanting to be excluded in the list of Imladris' most intelligent. 

Lindir chuckled and kissed his nose. "Yes, you are quite the genius. However, we need to ascertain her whereabouts at the time and figure out how to blow her alibi..." He began to pace. "When was the last time Erestor got drunk? He was drinking that spiced ale with dinner, wasn't he?" 

"Yes!" Glorfindel practically bounced with joy as he skipped behind Lindir, following him back and forth across the room. The ferret seemed to enjoy the ride as she climbed up onto Glorfindel's shoulder and nibbled on his golden hair. "Erestor got drunk, came in, knocked over the tree, tore down the decorations, chewed into all of the gifts, and pooped little pellets in all the corners of the room. Hmm, now that I hear myself say it, maybe that won't work so well." 

Glorfindel sat down on one of the aforementioned chewed on gifts, mumbling to himself, "Elrond would never believe Erestor was strong enough to knock over the tree. We can pin everything on him, and say Celebrían came in and pushed the tree over. Yes, that works..." 

Lindir blinked. "Valid point...hmmm...but there's still that whole issue of her alibi, which is no doubt air-tight" He sighed and resumed his rug rut wearing. "You know, I had a feeling the baby ferret was a bad idea. I should have gotten you a Tenrec." 

"But I love my little Binkyboo! We’ve bonded already and she thinks I’m her mother!" Glorfindel nuzzled the ferret on his shoulder with his nose. "She's just the sweetest little cutest widdle thing ever, yes you is, yes you is," he assured the ferret, in case there was any doubt. The ferret returned to gnawing on a lock of hair. The cuteness comments were appreciated, but the little ferret was hungry, and thought to herself, perhaps if her new mommy would feed her she wouldn’t have to chew through packages and eat his hair. 

Lindir wondered if he should feel jealous. He thought HE was the sweetest little cutest widdle thing ever... He sighed. "So no earthquake, no Erestor, he's too weak to shove the tree over...and no Celebrían because she was probably with our esteemed lord when the destruction took place. What about Elladan and Elrohir? They have been responsible for enough mayhem in their growing that such an incident would be perfectly within their scope of abilities." 

"Ye... um... no. We have to find ONE person to blame it on. If we blame the twins, there are two of them and two of us, and they have the very unbelievably cute puppy eye advantage that we don't. If there's only one person versus the two of us, it'll work to put the blame on them for sure. Besides... if we are successful, you know they will find a way to get back at us later, and that scares me more than dealing with Elrond." Glorfindel snapped his fingers. "I know! If you had gotten me a ferret AND a tenrec, then they would each have a friend, and none of this would ever have happened. So really... this is all your fault. Sweetie," he added as an afterthought. "Don't worry, I'm sure Elrond won't be too hard on you. It's only a tree... and some carpeting... and the wallpaper..." He paused. "Never mind. You're screwed." 

Lindir blinked, wondering when he'd been elected as the fall-taker. "Soooo...we pin it on Meee...and then what?" It was official. He'd been phased out by the newer, cuter model with the fuzzy tail. He turned and looked at his rear. Yes, it was definitely the fuzzy tail. It had to be. Hadn't it? Was it possible that that little ball of fluff was cuter? He was definitely more portable. Damn. 

Perhaps he should speak with Elrond about a tail transplant...oh. Yeah. Elrond was the one they were trying to avoid. Ergo, it was highly doubtful that said undoubtedly annoyed lord would be interested in resolving Lindir's tail envy. Damn. 

"Then what... then... you would just explain that the reason you found the ferret in the first place was that I wanted one very badly, and then he will just make us get rid of it." Glorfindel blinked. "Wait... wait... no, that would be bad. Can't do that." Glorfindel joined Lindir in his pacing again, with less skip in his step, and patted him on the back. "You're off the hook! However... we still need to blame this on someone..." 

"Morgoth? He's pissy enough to do something as petty and ultimately bah-humbuggy as take his impotence out on innocent holiday decorations. He's done it before, and that wasn't even a holiday. That was just outright pissiness. Hmmm...So, he came in, threw his little temper tantrum...and then what? Lord Oromë chased him back into the Void?" He stopped and blinked, then squealed for joy and danced around. "YES! Yes, that's it! We blame it on THEM! Yes, the Hunter's always on the lookout for evidence of Morgoth's return, and the portal in from the Void was HERE, so this is where he came and he fought Morgoth in HERE! Yes! It's PERFECT!" 

"You're right, it is brilliant! There would be no one to witness otherwise, no one to dispute our claims!" Glorfindel's smile fell in an instant, and he gathered up Binkyboo for a snuggle. "But... how do we explain how he did it being chained up? He is still chained up, right?" 

Lindir blinked, then went to Glorfindel and hugged him, stroking his hair. "Of course he is, dearest one! Perhaps...perhaps he's a contortionist and managed to twist around until his hands were chained in FRONT of him, so he was able to work the lock open. He came here, did battle with the Valar, then he got taken away again, this time in Valar-proof bindings. He's still chained and no doubt whining because he was trumped by a baby ferret...but he really wasn't, right? Because HE did it, not Binkyboo." Lindir nodded confidently. "Yes, that is what we shall tell him." 

By now, Glorfindel had hugged his arms around his chest and was rocking back and forth, fighting to stay in his happy place. "But if Morgoth IS a contortionist, that means he could get out of the Void, and once he gets out of the Void, then he might come back, and once he comes back, he might find that balrog everyone keeps denying is in the Morian mines that everyone pretends isn't there but I KNOW is there, because I just KNOW, and I'm not crazy about that like everyone keeps saying behind my back but no one thinks I do because they forget I have Elven hearing, but I do hear, but then Morgoth might find him and then I would have to go fight it because no one else knows how to kill a balrog but then I would probably die again and I don't want to die because it would make poor little Binkyboo an orphan!" 

Glorfindel was wailing now, sobbing against Lindir's shoulder. The ferret, to his credit, seemed unfazed as he started a second course of nibbling on Glorfindel's sleeve. 

Lindir placed a hand on either of Glorfindel's cheeks and forced him to look up. "Glorfindel! Stop, dearest one. Stop. Morgoth is stuck in the Void, chained to whatever Void-like thing they chained him to! He is NOT coming back from the Void of Boredom! He can't even knit because he's chained, and he will stay chained until the Cracking of Arda, and by that time Illuvatar himself can pull Morgoth over his knee and spank his arse like a naughty elfling! As far as the Morian Balrog goes...perhaps he IS there, perhaps not. But let us deal with one disaster at a time, and the most important disaster right now is finding someone or something to pin this destruction on." 

Secretly, Lindir vowed to find those who whispered about the state of his Goldie's sanity, and have a nice, friendly...discussion. 

After he'd healed from the tail transplant. Well...maybe before. Who knew how long it took to heal from such drastic medical procedures? Yes, he'd have his discussion before the transplant, then he could relax and enjoy the adulation that came with his new fluffy tail. 

With a sniffle, Glorfindel nodded and wiped his nose with his sleeve, much to the disappointment of the ferret that had been so enjoying the delicious sleeve. "No Morgoth. We have to come up with something else." He was still shaking and worrying himself sick now about thoughts of dark lords and shadow demons. "No Morgoth. Maybe we can blame... the wind? Someone could have left a window open, and it blew the tree over?" 

Leaning against the doorway in the far corner of the room, Elrond wondered how much longer this was going to continue. He remained unseen -- an advantage of the ring he wore and the ability to turn the power on and off as needed. In the back of his mind, he made a note to mix a sleeping draught as soon as everything was sorted out, for there was no doubt Glorfindel would be needing one. 

Lindir blinked. "The wind...you truly are a genius, Goldie! Yes! Yes, the wind! One can hardly punish someone for the wind's deeds, nor can the wind be asked for its alibi. All we need to do is figure out which window would result in maximum damage..." He beamed and kissed Glorfindel's brow, even bestowing a kiss - albeit begrudgingly - between Binkyboo's fuzzy little ears. 

Glorfindel looked around. "Let's open them all!" 

"Mmm, a little less believable than just a single window being forgotten." He pointed to one in the corner, directly across from the fallen tree. "That one?" Elrond rolled his eyes and rubbed his temples. He was feeling very fortunate that he had inherited Erestor as a chief advisor after Gil-Galad's death, wondering just how he got things done back in the days that Glorfindel served as his chief counsel. Something hard irritated his forehead, and he lowered his hand. Vilya glittered wickedly, and with a smile he decided to add to the fun. If they wanted to blame the wind, the wind was going to have a say in the matter, decided Elrond. 

Glorfindel nodded happily, tucking Binkyboo into his tunic again. "That one is perfect. We can say that the wind knocked over the tree, and all the rest of the damage had to be done by some annoying rodents that sneaked in with the window open. Definitely not by the cutest sweetest widdle critter in all of Imladris," he assured the little ferret, who was busy chewing on a particularly tasty button at the moment. 

Lindir nodded. "Agreed, then." He went over to the designated culprit window, flipped the latch, and pulled. He paused, blinked, and pulled again. And again. And again. "Minor problem." 

Glorfindel wandered over. "I wonder if it was painted over the last time the room was redone. Here, let me try," he offered, taking hold of the curved handle. He tugged and yanked, grunted and pulled, and became generally frustrated over the fact the window was being difficult. "Maybe we should both try at the same time." 

Lindir nodded his agreement, braced himself, and grabbed the handle. "Ready when you are, dearest." 

Glorfindel nodded. "One... two... three!" 

Lindir grunted and pulled. 

At the very point that both were straining so hard that they were putting all their strength into trying to open the window, Elrond unleashed the power of Vilya. The sapphire sparkled, and as the window sprang open, it sent both Glorfindel and Lindir tumbling back and into the fallen tree, tangling them in the branches. Presents that the pair had tripped over flew in every direction, and even more decorations fell from the walls as the wind swept through the hall. Elrond stepped into the room, revealing himself. "What in the name of Manwe is going on in here?" he boomed, fighting against the laughter building up inside of him as he observed the pair, covered in bows and tinsel that had once adorned the tree. 

A general bustling about was heard from around the house as elves awoke and scurried down to see what was the matter. Very soon, quite a large group had managed to congregate behind Elrond in the doorway, peering in and laughing or snickering when they saw the mess and who was to blame. 

Lindir blinked. "Would you believe us if we said it was an earthquake?" Elrond pointed his scolding finger at them, all set to begin what he foresaw as a very lengthy lecture. As he opened his mouth, he felt a hand clasp his shoulder. 

Elrohir stood in the doorway, a look of awe on his face. He turned to his brother. "Wow." 

It was Erestor, lips quivering, attempting not to smile and failing miserably. "Elrond, it's Yule... I'm sure whatever they did, they are going to clean it up in the morning so that by the afternoon we shall never be the wiser that anything ever happened. Aren't you?" he asked, giving Lindir and Glorfindel a chance to answer. 

Lindir had looked to his companion and grinned, tweaking the red bow a bit so that it was situated directly in the middle of perfect golden hair. "Huh? Sure. Never happened," he said distractedly. 

"Right. Of course. In the morning," promised Glorfindel as he draped another strand of tinsel over Lindir's shoulder to even things out. Binkyboo, for her part, was chomping on a branch that looked a little too long and much too delicious to be left alone. 

"Good as new. Promise." Lindir leaned back into the tree's bristly embrace. Elrond sighed. "I suppose it isn't anything that can't be fixed." He gathered up Elrohir and Elladan and ushered them along with his sleepwalking wife back to their beds. Erestor effectively cleared out the hallway with a threat of no presents the next day if everyone was not back in their beds, adults included. Before he left, he cleared his throat to gain the attention of the pair doting upon each other, and looked up pointedly at the one thing not disturbed by the chaos -- a sprig of mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, directly over Lindir and Glorfindel. "Well, goodnight," he said, closing the door to the hall behind him with a wink. 

Lindir blinked and looked up. "Huh. Mistletoe." 

Binkyboo looked up as well, and ran along Glorfindel's arm, leaped onto Lindir's chest, and rubbed her wet little nose against his. 

Glorfindel grinned. "Awww... I think she likes you." 

"You think so?" He leaned and rubbed her nose back. "Well...she IS rather cute..." 

"She's adorable," agreed Glorfindel. He leaned over and gathered her up into his hands, and putting his fingers over her little ferret ears said, "But nowhere near as adorable as you, sweetie." 

Lindir blinked, then smiled as all became right in his world again. He turned and leaned in for a kiss. "Have I ever mentioned that mistletoe is my favorite Yule tradition?" 

"Yours, too?" Glorfindel stretched forward, knocking a couple of ornaments off the tree as he captured Lindir's lips with his own, forgetting all about the mess, Morgoth, the window that was still open and now blowing snow inside to cover the floor, and everything else besides Lindir. And Binkyboo of course, who was too cute to forget. 

But not nearly as cute as Lindir. Though Glorfindel would never say it loud enough for the ferret to hear. 

Lindir finally decided to forgo the tail. He didn't need it, and it would just get in the way. 

For some odd reason, as they spent the rest of the evening tangled in the tree, kissing under the mistletoe, Glorfindel had the oddest thought cross his mind, and wondered what Lindir would look like with a tail...


End file.
